How a Band Can Ruin Your Favorite Song (warning - explicit content)

My grandmother asked me what I would like for my 14th birthday. I wanted the newest CD from the Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik. I hope she never saw the song titles and that she never heard any of the songs. Sir Psycho Sexy. Wow! While most people bought this album for the classic tracks 'Under the Bridge' and 'Give it Away,' I found a new favorite in 'Suck My Kiss.' This is still my favorite RHCP track. I would see them once live in concert.
25 July 1999. I was at Woodstock. The Red Hot Chili Peppers was the closing act to the 3-day festival. The following is an actual transcript from the intro to that favorite track of mine - 'Suck My Kiss.'
Spoken by Anthony Kiedis:
"You know, I guess this is, uh, sort of a traditional affair now, 30 years, 25 years, the original, all that. There's a lot of traditions that go around. You know some people like to play in the mud. Some people like to take their clothes off. Some people like to, uh, smoke pot when they come to Woodstock. Some people like to get blown in the bushes when they come to Woodstock. Some people come with their mom and dad when they come to Woodstock. And, there are a lot of traditions. The point I'm trying to make is there's tons of traditions and, uh, tonight, with a little bit of help from everybody, uh you know, in the immediate, upper area here, uh, I gotta ask a small favor so you can help me start a new tradition. Which is: during the course of the next song, if every girl, you know, within distance, who happens to be menstruating, with a tampon, could you please remove the tampon from your menstruating vagina and toss it onto the stage, during the next song. Thank you. I mean it."

All I Want for Christmas is...

 All I Want for Christmas is...

    When I was 6, we used to live in a small brown house on A Street. There was a vent on the floor of our living room that looked down into the basement. You could pull the top off and push the springs down on the bottom. I was almost brave enough to jump down and break both my legs. Instead, I used it as a trap door for my G.I. Joe and Star Wars action figures. I pushed that bottom screen down over and over, dropping Darth Vader and his men to their deaths.
    My mother was not happy with this. She was not only worried I would get hurt, she also didn't like the constant "BANG" of the vent. She sent me to my room.
    No problem - just another place to play. In my room I would set all of the figures up so they were all over the room. Luke Skywalker would be on the dresser, Storm Shadow on the head of the bed, Snake Eyes on my desk, Han Solo on my Muppets drum set. Once everyone is in position, I would shoot them down with a rubber band.
    "Take that Cobra Commander!"
    Yet again, my mother was not amused and the rubber bands were confiscated. She needed to give me a distraction and today was her lucky day - the Sears Christmas catalog arrived in the mail. She handed me the catalog and told me to pick out what I wanted for Christmas. Usually my brother and I would just circle what we wanted but this time I decided I was going to cut out the pictures of what I wanted to see under the tree that year.
    The toy section was always in the back. As far I was concerned, there was no need for the rest of the catalog. I jumped right to the back and looked for some new action figures to toss down the vent. Return of the Jedi came out earlier in the year so there was a whole new collection of characters to get. The Jabba the Hut dungeon was out and I had to have it!
    Something was different that day. I still don't know why, but I just didn't see the toys I wanted. I knew all those action figures on those pages but nothing stood out as a 'need' so I didn't cut them out.
    A little while later, my mom came in and said she made lunch. I ran out to the dining room and sat down to a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. She walked over to my desk to see what I wanted under the Christmas tree that year... a rifle and a model in lingerie.